9 Tips to Beat the Blues and Get Back on Track
By Mark Ford as printed in the Altucher Report
1. Acceptance
You need to accept that it is perfectly normal to feel crummy sometimes.
Despite your core strengths and your many accomplishments, you will occasionally find yourself down in the dumps. It’s natural for ambitious people (like yourself) to feel that way. As productivity expert Tim Ferriss says, “The occasional bouts of self-doubt and sadness are an integral part of building anything remarkable.”
2. Forgiveness
If you are upset because of something you did to yourself, forgive yourself.
It’s OK. You screwed up. What matters is what you do next, not what you just did.
I sometimes get angry when I feel pressured by work obligations. But when I examine the reason for all the work, it’s usually because I volunteered to take it on in the first place. When I recognize that my mood is being affected by my own prior actions, I remind myself that I’m lucky. “It’s OK that you are angry. But you don’t have to be. You can get through today. And you can have better discipline tomorrow.” That’s what I tell myself, and it helps me feel better instantly.
3. If You’re Upset Because of Something You Did…
Take a chill pill. Count to 10. Recognize that you can’t control the behavior of other people. The only thing you can control is your response to their behavior. Nobody can take that away from you.
Stephen Covey, the noted author and educator, popularized a quote, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
I used to get upset when my family, friends or colleagues made a mistake. I realize now how stupid that was. It didn’t do me any good. And it made me unproductive, unhappy and unpleasant to be around. I changed by learning to turn the other cheek. The moment I stopped resenting others for their shortcomings, I began to feel better about myself.
It’s amazing how well this works. Somebody bumps into you on the street and you sprain your ankle. You have a choice. You can be angry at that person. You can be upset with yourself for not being more aware of your surroundings. Or you can forgive the person and yourself and change the way you think about your injury. Rather than rue the inconvenience of being laid up for a week or two, see the recuperation period as a gift — the chance to start a new project or catch up on your reading.
4. Reevaluate Your Expectations
Don’t allow unrealistic expectations to interfere with your relationships. (This is a subcategory of not allowing the behavior of other people to upset you.) Instead of being upset by your spouse’s habit of (fill in the blank), resolve to accept the fact that she won’t be changing and find a way to forgive her and even love her. Instead of being angry that your child is a slob, find a way to love him for his strengths while gently teaching him (by showing, not telling) the advantages of being orderly. Instead of being angry at your business partner because she didn’t perform as well as you expected her to, learn to appreciate what she brings to the table and negotiate a new deal with her out of love, not anger.
Accepting people for who they are does not mean allowing them to make your life miserable. On the contrary, it means being realistic — realizing that 90% of the time a person’s fundamental characteristics cannot be changed. If you find a certain behavior unacceptable, you change the way you deal with it (something you can do) instead of trying to change the person (which you can’t do).
5. If the Circumstances Are Beyond Your Control…
Take a double dose of chill pills. If there’s one thing psychology has taught us, it’s that you can deal with your troubles more effectively if you define them as “problems” (which can be solved) or “predicaments” (which can be coped with).
Getting caught in a storm or catching a cold is not a reason to get mad at yourself. Neither, by the way, is being caught in a worldwide economic collapse.
6. Care for Your Career
If you are unhappy at work, find a way to care about what you’re doing.
As Albert Camus said, “But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?” You won’t experience happiness if you work at a job you hate or if you do poor work on a project you like. But if you learn to care about the work you do, you will find that your energy will improve and you will start to enjoy it.
7. Get Moving
Engage in some sport or challenging exercise — something that is so demanding, you can’t do it while thinking.
Walking, stretching, and yoga are great forms of exercise. If you do them with a tranquil mind, they will make you healthy and happy, too. But if you do them when you are sad and feeling sorry for yourself, they will give you no relief. You will forget about the exercise and focus on your negative thoughts. That will make things worse.
Bogged Down by Work Problems? If I am bummed out about problems at work, I do this: I compose a list of my five most pressing incomplete jobs. Then I break down each job into specific tasks that can be accomplished in an hour or less. I arrange those tasks in order of priority. Finally, I choose one. Just one. I put everything else out of my mind and get to work on it.
Immediately. No excuses.
I’ve noticed that when I dwell on the whole of my troubles, I stall. But when I clear my head and focus on just one problem, even the smallest problem, I can concentrate on it and fix it. When the problem is fixed, it gives me a good feeling. I feel one step closer to success. This feeling gives me energy. I attack the next problem or task with just a little more enthusiasm. And when I’ve finished with that, I am even more energized.
Steadily, problem by problem, task by task, I complete my work. And when I’m done, I feel great.
8. Recognize the Mind-to-Body Connection
The health of your body has a great deal to do with your mood. If you are feeling bad much of the time, you probably need to make a few lifestyle changes. To wit:
• Eat healthy. Eating too many carbohydrates will make you crazy, cranky and tired. To have consistent energy all day, use food like fuel. Eat six smallish meals a day, avoiding junk food and favoring organics, lean meats and plenty of protein
• Sleep and rest adequately. For me, adequate sleep is a major contributor to feeling good. Studies show that people who get seven good hours of sleep a night live longer, suffer from fewer illnesses and achieve more because they have more energy. If you get tired during the day, take a short nap
• Get the advice of a good doctor about antidepressants. I’m generally against putting chemicals in my body. I much prefer natural cures. But antidepressants have helped some people close to me and may help you too.
9. Prioritize the People Around You
Take positive steps to focus “outward” instead of “inward” — to pay less attention to yourself and more attention to others.
A few examples:
• Make your friends happy. Smile when you see them. Listen to their stories. Give them the advice they want and shut up when they don’t want any. Become the person they turn to when the chips are down. Learn to love their peccadilloes and encourage them to overcome their faults. Above all, be loyal
• Be a reliable and steady resource for your business colleagues. Help them achieve their goals — not because you want them to reciprocate in some way but simply because you care about them and want them to succeed
• Do something for someone you don’t know — a stranger you come upon, a foster child or a sick or poor person who can benefit from your help. Spend time and money.
Make this outward focus a natural part of your daily life. Do it purposefully and deliberately until it becomes second nature. You will know when that happens because you’ll be feeling happy most of the time — and when you become sad or angry, you’ll be able to get over it quickly and easily.
Not only will these tips make you successful in your personal relationships, but you’ll live a successful life by being a happier, healthier you.
